I have often been asked, "Why did you and your wife become foster parents?". I usually took the easy way out and replied "why not" or "or we had nothing better to do" or if a business customer would ask, I gave a reply something like "we wanted to help kids" trying to impress him.
There was another reason that was a little selfish on our parts. We had a five year old son and we did not want him growing up as an only child. When my wife gave birth to my son, after a troublesome pregnancy, she had a terribly long painful delivery. So much so, she knew it was something she would never be willing to go through again.
We didn't have the financial resources to even consider some of the adoption alternatives. Fortunately, my wife befriended a neighbor who happened to be a foster parent. Until then, we had no idea about foster care or the types of kids that are in the foster care system. We did have a lot of pre-conceived notions. This neighbor had one foster daughter about six years old. Every inaccurate opinion I ever had about foster children, this six year old shattered.
She was cute, polite, friendly, obviously intelligent, and if that wasn't enough, the most talented young gymnast I had ever seen. She gave us a demonstration of hand walking, cartwheels, and numerous other tricks that was amazing.
While we didn't end up with any gymnasts, we were foster parents for dozens and dozens of children and were extremely fortunate enough to be able to adopt seven of them. Becoming a foster parent wasn't difficult. We contacted our local county Department of Social Services. There were interviews, some paperwork, and training classes to attend. Since there was a shortage of families willing to be foster parents at the time (there probably still is) "Social Services" treated any family, who they thought of as a good candidate, extremely well. In fact, the shortage was so acute that we received our first foster care placement even before we were certified.
I would describe what my family has done as the "Greatest Adventure". People skydive, ski, ride motorcycles, etc. for the feeling of adventure and excitement. I only had to come home from work. For a while, when we were active as emergency foster parents, (willing to accept kids on an emergency basis anytime of the day or night) I never knew how many kids would be in the house when I came home (anywhere from 8 -14). I can also tell you that while these kids came to us, usually to be removed from a "problem situation", they were, on the whole, no problem to us. In the end, many kids came and left but there were seven who stayed to be adopted. No vacation, no trip to the amusement park and no success at work could ever compare to the excitement and emotional satisfaction that these kids have brought to my life. Yes, there were some problems, disappointments, and "emotional lows", but, they were minor in comparison to the overall picture.
To view original article, click on title of this post.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
I Hope!
I guess it's time to post an update on my foster daughter and our lives together. I keep hoping that one day I'm going to be able to celebrate and write a post praising God that this whole mess is finished, at least as far as being connected to the foster care system is concerned, and that A. will finally be adopted and be ours. We have been told for months and months that the paper work for termination is on the paralegal's desk and should be filed any day now. I've stopped listening and quite frankly the case worker has now began to simply shrug her shoulders and tell me that my guess is as good as hers as to what is going on and why things aren't moving along more quickly.
In the meantime, A.'s mind is constantly being messed with by her bio mom and the roller coaster ride that she has been on for the past four years is continuing. One month she wants to be adopted and the next mom visit she wants to go home. Then another mom visit and she wants to be adopted. Then another mom visit and she begins talking like her mom is going to come and "steal her" one day and they are going to run away together. Then she will tell me that she never meant any of what she said and that she really wants to stay with us. She claims her mom just has this way of "torturing" her mind and getting her to go along with whatever her mom wants her to. So, since her mom hates us because she has no access to A. as long as she lives with us (except for the one hour a month visit) she has began to talk to A. about claiming that she is unhappy here and that she wants to move to another home. That was a few weeks ago and at that point I was ready to give it all up and let her go. I was so upset and hurt and angry at the whole system and everyone involved including A. that I got on the phone that same day that A. told me she wanted to leave and I told her case worker that I had had it and we needed somewhere for A. to go until another home could be found for her.
Well, my husband felt the need to step in because I was obviously out of control and couldn't be counted on to make a rational decision at this point. So, he went into her room and had a long talk with her while I was out running errands. When I got back, he told me all that they had talked about and that A. had admitted once again that her mom had gotten to her head and that she did NOT want to leave our home. I had cooled off somewhat by this point (a few days past the original announcement from A.) and I decided to go talk to her myself. We talked for around 2 hours and I got the same story that my husband had and she insisted that she did not want to leave.
I am so worn out. I called our case worker and we had a meeting with her, A.'s counselor and my husband and myself. We were asked if we were willing to keep A. or if they needed to begin looking for a new home. We said, no, we were willing to keep her (we do love her very much) and that we would just keep on going until we just couldn't do it anymore.
A. and me and my husband watched the movie "Losing Isaiah" since all of this happened. It happens that A. has a little brother who lives with another foster family and he reminds us all very much of little Isaiah in the movie. (Check out the DVD carousel on the right side of my blog and you will be able to click on the DVD "Losing Isaiah". If you haven't watched this movie, I recommend it.) We have talked before about how hard it would be on A's little brother to be moved from his foster home after four years and returned to a mom that he has never known as "mom". After watching the movie, A. cried and said that she could see how that would be exactly the same way it would feel if her little brother were to be taken from his foster family and returned to his bio mom. She has struggled with the whole idea of whether or not her mom needs her and her little brother and sister to go back home with their mom based solely on the knowledge that she is their Biological Mom and that is where they all belong. She feels sorry for her mom and can't stand the thought of hurting her by none of them ever living with her again as her children. But this movie opened up some new thoughts in A.'s mind and I could just see the wheels turning behind her eyes.
I'm sure our roller coaster ride is not over, but I hope maybe it will not be as horrible as in the past. The next hearing is in October. Maybe then we can celebrate. Who knows. I guess only God does. I'll leave it in his hands. In the meantime, we will continue to love A. and put up with her poor confused mind. School has started so that will give her something else to think about besides her mom. I hope.
In the meantime, A.'s mind is constantly being messed with by her bio mom and the roller coaster ride that she has been on for the past four years is continuing. One month she wants to be adopted and the next mom visit she wants to go home. Then another mom visit and she wants to be adopted. Then another mom visit and she begins talking like her mom is going to come and "steal her" one day and they are going to run away together. Then she will tell me that she never meant any of what she said and that she really wants to stay with us. She claims her mom just has this way of "torturing" her mind and getting her to go along with whatever her mom wants her to. So, since her mom hates us because she has no access to A. as long as she lives with us (except for the one hour a month visit) she has began to talk to A. about claiming that she is unhappy here and that she wants to move to another home. That was a few weeks ago and at that point I was ready to give it all up and let her go. I was so upset and hurt and angry at the whole system and everyone involved including A. that I got on the phone that same day that A. told me she wanted to leave and I told her case worker that I had had it and we needed somewhere for A. to go until another home could be found for her.
Well, my husband felt the need to step in because I was obviously out of control and couldn't be counted on to make a rational decision at this point. So, he went into her room and had a long talk with her while I was out running errands. When I got back, he told me all that they had talked about and that A. had admitted once again that her mom had gotten to her head and that she did NOT want to leave our home. I had cooled off somewhat by this point (a few days past the original announcement from A.) and I decided to go talk to her myself. We talked for around 2 hours and I got the same story that my husband had and she insisted that she did not want to leave.
I am so worn out. I called our case worker and we had a meeting with her, A.'s counselor and my husband and myself. We were asked if we were willing to keep A. or if they needed to begin looking for a new home. We said, no, we were willing to keep her (we do love her very much) and that we would just keep on going until we just couldn't do it anymore.
A. and me and my husband watched the movie "Losing Isaiah" since all of this happened. It happens that A. has a little brother who lives with another foster family and he reminds us all very much of little Isaiah in the movie. (Check out the DVD carousel on the right side of my blog and you will be able to click on the DVD "Losing Isaiah". If you haven't watched this movie, I recommend it.) We have talked before about how hard it would be on A's little brother to be moved from his foster home after four years and returned to a mom that he has never known as "mom". After watching the movie, A. cried and said that she could see how that would be exactly the same way it would feel if her little brother were to be taken from his foster family and returned to his bio mom. She has struggled with the whole idea of whether or not her mom needs her and her little brother and sister to go back home with their mom based solely on the knowledge that she is their Biological Mom and that is where they all belong. She feels sorry for her mom and can't stand the thought of hurting her by none of them ever living with her again as her children. But this movie opened up some new thoughts in A.'s mind and I could just see the wheels turning behind her eyes.
I'm sure our roller coaster ride is not over, but I hope maybe it will not be as horrible as in the past. The next hearing is in October. Maybe then we can celebrate. Who knows. I guess only God does. I'll leave it in his hands. In the meantime, we will continue to love A. and put up with her poor confused mind. School has started so that will give her something else to think about besides her mom. I hope.
Foster Kids Rule the World
Odd title, isn’t it? But it has been on my mind (and in my face) for about a year now, and in sticking with my promise to be honest about all the facets of fostering/adopting, I thought I ought to share.
When kids are taken into custody by the county (though the removal has to be done by a police officer), they are suddenly and acutely aware of a whole different dimension that exists in our society. It is the dimension where adults take everything a kid says as gospel truth. It is, in a way, a necessity, because you can’t really expect parents to be forthcoming about what has gone on in their home when you have just taken away their kids- especially if they face charges as a result. Still, the initial placement into care and the subsequent physical examination, psychological evaluation, and general ‘kid-glove’ approach of the whole foster care team send a very loud silent message about who is running the show when it comes to foster care. Everyone shows such pity for the kids, often giving them a ‘free pass’ on their behaviors. The kids pick up on this very quickly.
To complicate matters, the people caring for foster kids (i.e. foster parents) have a very limited scope of authority over them. They must get approval from a casework supervisor before having the kids treated at an emergency room (even if it is just for strep throat), are required to follow the county’s determination on education for the child, and cannot discipline the kids unless the disciplinary action is within the county guidelines. As I mentioned before, it is important to maintain the role of birth parents as the authority, because the goal is to send the kids home. It does create, however, an environment where no one is truly in full authority over the kids. The birth parents have say on haircuts and school activities, but can’t even take their kids home at the end of the day. The caseworker sets the visitation schedule and oversees the foster parents, but does not have daily interaction with the kids. The foster parents do the leg work of daily care, but are scrutinized on a constant basis. It gives the kids ultimate control, because all they have to do is play the authority figures against one another.
I have yet to meet a foster kid who did not take advantage of this situation. That is not, however, an indication of the depravity in which they were raised, because not all kids are being abused or neglected. Foster care comes about for many different reasons, and even kids whom you might classify as having a ‘normal’ family life will play the system. The Word says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, and it is so true. Give that foolishness fuel, and it will manifest in even the best of kids. Sadly, adopting those foster kids does not really change anything. The names on the birth certificate change, and the caseworker is no longer a regular visitor, but the kids have not forgotten the way you as foster parents were under the thumb of the system. They will continue to try and test the boundaries, knowing they have the fall-back of crying wolf to get them out of it if they push too far.
Here is an example: You adopt a child who was the center of attention at home. I mean seriously the center of attention- to lengths I will not disclose here. The child is removed from that home and sent to you along with her siblings. You, not understanding the unspoken rules of the home they lived in, give equal attention to all the children. The golden child becomes enraged and decides to use your lowly status against you. She begins to refuse to eat in an attempt to get attention that is being misdirected to other children. You ignore the behavior, knowing that to engage her is to start down a road you cannot come back from. She continues to refuse to eat, testing to see if you will give in eventually. You hold your ground, knowing that to give in to her now is to set up a life-long meme in her mind of using threat to get what she wants (the threat is getting you in trouble and having all the kids removed from you, and they know this well because every time they see the caseworker she asks if they are happy in your home and if they feel safe). Just when she is about to give up on this method of terrorism, the doctor notices that she is not even registering on the growth chart for her age, and gives you instructions to feed her whatever she will eat. Because you now have the threat of being in trouble with the doctor who can make a call to child services and turn you in for ‘abuse’, you have been put under the heel of a child. Life becomes a living nightmare as you take the child grocery shopping, watching her fill the cart with donuts and chips and cookies, and you scramble to not only pay for a whole different set of food, but to try and keep the other kids in your house from mutiny over the fact that their sister gets to pick and choose and you are making them eat squash and salad and baked potatoes. She is getting that special attention she felt belonged to her after all.
But I haven’t even told you the worst part, yet. There is a double-edged sword when it comes to society and the ‘it takes a village’ mentality. When that child becomes sick from lack of vitamins and fiber, and starts to gain weight to the point of being fat, you are responsible for that as well. Parents in general are walking a tightrope anymore, but it is especially true for foster/adoptive parents whose kids have no loyalty to them and who will manipulate any situation for personal gain. Parents have had their children removed because they are too small and have no muscle tone, and parents have had kids removed for being overweight and unfit. And everyone involved knows that if they come to take the neglected child (because that’s what they classify underweight/overweight kids as) they take ALL of your kids and ask questions later. I’ve had the kids say to me at times ‘if you get in trouble for _____, they’ll take Maggie and Chloë too’. It is a taunt. Sadly, it is very true.
Then you have the time when kids get older and begin to think of themselves as adults. I do not believe in teenage rebellion as a physical phase of life but rather a cultural phenomenon. Too many kids in other countries go through the teenage years without rebellion for it to be a biological change. Instead, we have made kids rulers of their own world when they are not ready to make adult decisions, and the result is a constant struggle between them and the parents who cannot control them yet are still liable for them. This cultural disease we have created is ten times worse in foster/adopted kids because they have nothing to lose. They are fully aware of the fact that you cannot physically make them do anything, and they exploit it. Here’s another example:
Your 13 year old daughter does not want to do anything. I mean literally anything. She says she intended to spend her summer in bed reading. You say no, because not only is that not fair to anyone else, but it is not healthy to stay indoors all the time doing nothing. You try your best ‘member-of-the-family, we need teamwork’ speech, and assign a list of chores for each kid. Because she is the oldest, you have given her the task of mowing the lawn. She doesn’t want to mow the lawn, so she sabotages the job- mowing down your sapling trees, missing large strips of grass, and finally running over a rock which breaks the mower and gets her out of the job completely. So you assign her the job of weeding the garden because, after all, she does eat. Well, you should have known better, because she feigns stupidity and pulls up the plants. OK, fine. Maybe letting her work inside will be better. You ask her to sort the laundry and put it in rooms (we let everyone fold their own, so there wasn’t even folding involved). She puts things in the wrong places on purpose and when you come in to check, there is still a pile of clothes in the living room but she is in bed reading. You are about to blow like Krakatoa at this point, but try diplomacy. You ask her what it is that she would like to do, besides reading, since she is a member of the family and needs to contribute. She says cooking. Well, you can’t just turn her loose in the kitchen because she has no experience, so you leave the outside work to come in and make lunch together. The menu says Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes, so you ask her to start peeling the potatoes. She is clearly miffed, and cuts so much off that the potatoes look like water chestnuts. When you ask, you are informed that she just wanted to stand at the stove and stir. By this point, you’ve had it and inform her that she is not going to tell you what she will and will not do. She starts to throw a tantrum, which scares the baby because why would someone as big as that be acting that way? So you say ‘go throw your fit in the barn where you won’t scare the baby’.
So off she goes to the barn. She is gone all day and doesn’t come back, but you figure she is letting off steam the way she does when she ‘needs to be alone’. Dark falls, and you can see her in the haymow from the yard, but she still will not come home. It’s a stand-off, and again, your common sense says that if you give in, you will be setting her up for a lifetime of believing the way to handle a situation is through threat (that, and your husband demands that you not go get her because she has, in effect, run away from home and has to come back on her own). Lucky for you, your neighbor happens to have just finished her degree in social work and finds your child hanging out the barn window wailing like a baby. Long story short, you get a call that your daughter does not want to come home and that neighbor spends the night debating about whether or not to report you to child services. So guess who has gotten her way as far as lying in bed and reading all summer? Because of the same threat that if we get in trouble, everyone will be taken away. YET, come fall when she has a vitamin D deficiency and we take her to the hospital with a violent flu, we will be responsible.
To view original article click on title of post.
When kids are taken into custody by the county (though the removal has to be done by a police officer), they are suddenly and acutely aware of a whole different dimension that exists in our society. It is the dimension where adults take everything a kid says as gospel truth. It is, in a way, a necessity, because you can’t really expect parents to be forthcoming about what has gone on in their home when you have just taken away their kids- especially if they face charges as a result. Still, the initial placement into care and the subsequent physical examination, psychological evaluation, and general ‘kid-glove’ approach of the whole foster care team send a very loud silent message about who is running the show when it comes to foster care. Everyone shows such pity for the kids, often giving them a ‘free pass’ on their behaviors. The kids pick up on this very quickly.
To complicate matters, the people caring for foster kids (i.e. foster parents) have a very limited scope of authority over them. They must get approval from a casework supervisor before having the kids treated at an emergency room (even if it is just for strep throat), are required to follow the county’s determination on education for the child, and cannot discipline the kids unless the disciplinary action is within the county guidelines. As I mentioned before, it is important to maintain the role of birth parents as the authority, because the goal is to send the kids home. It does create, however, an environment where no one is truly in full authority over the kids. The birth parents have say on haircuts and school activities, but can’t even take their kids home at the end of the day. The caseworker sets the visitation schedule and oversees the foster parents, but does not have daily interaction with the kids. The foster parents do the leg work of daily care, but are scrutinized on a constant basis. It gives the kids ultimate control, because all they have to do is play the authority figures against one another.
I have yet to meet a foster kid who did not take advantage of this situation. That is not, however, an indication of the depravity in which they were raised, because not all kids are being abused or neglected. Foster care comes about for many different reasons, and even kids whom you might classify as having a ‘normal’ family life will play the system. The Word says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, and it is so true. Give that foolishness fuel, and it will manifest in even the best of kids. Sadly, adopting those foster kids does not really change anything. The names on the birth certificate change, and the caseworker is no longer a regular visitor, but the kids have not forgotten the way you as foster parents were under the thumb of the system. They will continue to try and test the boundaries, knowing they have the fall-back of crying wolf to get them out of it if they push too far.
Here is an example: You adopt a child who was the center of attention at home. I mean seriously the center of attention- to lengths I will not disclose here. The child is removed from that home and sent to you along with her siblings. You, not understanding the unspoken rules of the home they lived in, give equal attention to all the children. The golden child becomes enraged and decides to use your lowly status against you. She begins to refuse to eat in an attempt to get attention that is being misdirected to other children. You ignore the behavior, knowing that to engage her is to start down a road you cannot come back from. She continues to refuse to eat, testing to see if you will give in eventually. You hold your ground, knowing that to give in to her now is to set up a life-long meme in her mind of using threat to get what she wants (the threat is getting you in trouble and having all the kids removed from you, and they know this well because every time they see the caseworker she asks if they are happy in your home and if they feel safe). Just when she is about to give up on this method of terrorism, the doctor notices that she is not even registering on the growth chart for her age, and gives you instructions to feed her whatever she will eat. Because you now have the threat of being in trouble with the doctor who can make a call to child services and turn you in for ‘abuse’, you have been put under the heel of a child. Life becomes a living nightmare as you take the child grocery shopping, watching her fill the cart with donuts and chips and cookies, and you scramble to not only pay for a whole different set of food, but to try and keep the other kids in your house from mutiny over the fact that their sister gets to pick and choose and you are making them eat squash and salad and baked potatoes. She is getting that special attention she felt belonged to her after all.
But I haven’t even told you the worst part, yet. There is a double-edged sword when it comes to society and the ‘it takes a village’ mentality. When that child becomes sick from lack of vitamins and fiber, and starts to gain weight to the point of being fat, you are responsible for that as well. Parents in general are walking a tightrope anymore, but it is especially true for foster/adoptive parents whose kids have no loyalty to them and who will manipulate any situation for personal gain. Parents have had their children removed because they are too small and have no muscle tone, and parents have had kids removed for being overweight and unfit. And everyone involved knows that if they come to take the neglected child (because that’s what they classify underweight/overweight kids as) they take ALL of your kids and ask questions later. I’ve had the kids say to me at times ‘if you get in trouble for _____, they’ll take Maggie and Chloë too’. It is a taunt. Sadly, it is very true.
Then you have the time when kids get older and begin to think of themselves as adults. I do not believe in teenage rebellion as a physical phase of life but rather a cultural phenomenon. Too many kids in other countries go through the teenage years without rebellion for it to be a biological change. Instead, we have made kids rulers of their own world when they are not ready to make adult decisions, and the result is a constant struggle between them and the parents who cannot control them yet are still liable for them. This cultural disease we have created is ten times worse in foster/adopted kids because they have nothing to lose. They are fully aware of the fact that you cannot physically make them do anything, and they exploit it. Here’s another example:
Your 13 year old daughter does not want to do anything. I mean literally anything. She says she intended to spend her summer in bed reading. You say no, because not only is that not fair to anyone else, but it is not healthy to stay indoors all the time doing nothing. You try your best ‘member-of-the-family, we need teamwork’ speech, and assign a list of chores for each kid. Because she is the oldest, you have given her the task of mowing the lawn. She doesn’t want to mow the lawn, so she sabotages the job- mowing down your sapling trees, missing large strips of grass, and finally running over a rock which breaks the mower and gets her out of the job completely. So you assign her the job of weeding the garden because, after all, she does eat. Well, you should have known better, because she feigns stupidity and pulls up the plants. OK, fine. Maybe letting her work inside will be better. You ask her to sort the laundry and put it in rooms (we let everyone fold their own, so there wasn’t even folding involved). She puts things in the wrong places on purpose and when you come in to check, there is still a pile of clothes in the living room but she is in bed reading. You are about to blow like Krakatoa at this point, but try diplomacy. You ask her what it is that she would like to do, besides reading, since she is a member of the family and needs to contribute. She says cooking. Well, you can’t just turn her loose in the kitchen because she has no experience, so you leave the outside work to come in and make lunch together. The menu says Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes, so you ask her to start peeling the potatoes. She is clearly miffed, and cuts so much off that the potatoes look like water chestnuts. When you ask, you are informed that she just wanted to stand at the stove and stir. By this point, you’ve had it and inform her that she is not going to tell you what she will and will not do. She starts to throw a tantrum, which scares the baby because why would someone as big as that be acting that way? So you say ‘go throw your fit in the barn where you won’t scare the baby’.
So off she goes to the barn. She is gone all day and doesn’t come back, but you figure she is letting off steam the way she does when she ‘needs to be alone’. Dark falls, and you can see her in the haymow from the yard, but she still will not come home. It’s a stand-off, and again, your common sense says that if you give in, you will be setting her up for a lifetime of believing the way to handle a situation is through threat (that, and your husband demands that you not go get her because she has, in effect, run away from home and has to come back on her own). Lucky for you, your neighbor happens to have just finished her degree in social work and finds your child hanging out the barn window wailing like a baby. Long story short, you get a call that your daughter does not want to come home and that neighbor spends the night debating about whether or not to report you to child services. So guess who has gotten her way as far as lying in bed and reading all summer? Because of the same threat that if we get in trouble, everyone will be taken away. YET, come fall when she has a vitamin D deficiency and we take her to the hospital with a violent flu, we will be responsible.
To view original article click on title of post.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Why Being a Foster Care Kid Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to My Dad
If it hadn't been for foster care...my dad wouldn't be the person he is today...
Hard Working...
Honest...
Highly Successful Small Business Owner...
(even "retired" at age 53)
ALMOST MILLIONAIRE. (my Dad always taught me to be HONEST at all times...so I AM)
But if you ask my extremely humble dad...
He'll tell you he's not rich...
rather he'll say "I've been really lucky", or "I didn't do to bad for a poor foster kid who doesn't even have a high school diploma!"
So How Does a 4 Year Old Jewish Boy End Up In Foster Care Shortly After WWII?Sadly, it was because of the sudden death of my Grandpa.
In 1937, one cold, Minnesota winter morning, a man was rushed to a small hospital by his wife. She was worried about his severe stomach pains and vomiting...the kind which seemed to be his whole insides.
It wasn't long before the doctors discovered a bleeding ulcer that erupted shortly after arriving.
The 53 year old husband and father...of 6 young children...was pronounced dead.
My grandma was devastated...and scared to death of raising and feeding 6 children all by herself.
My Dad was only 2 when his father died.
After struggling for close to 2 years, my grandma was forced to put four of her children in foster care because of poverty.
It's been whispered in our family...
that a wealthy cousin proposed to marry my grandma...but she refused.
He had been in a horrible fire and was severely deformed from first degree burns over his entire body.
Bottom line - my Grandma couldn't marry for money...she didn't love him.
To this day, my Dad and his brothers wonder how things might have turned out differently...?
So my dad went into his first foster care home at the age of 4 years old.
He remembers being told by the social workers that he was going to visit a farm with barnyard animals. There was no farm...and no cute farm animals either.
He grew up in 4 different homes over 14 years.
Some Homes Were Better Than Others.
The last home was the worst...and he lived there for 7 years. It was a 20 acre vegetable trucking farm owned by a hard-working German-American couple.
Don't ask me why my Jewish born Dad was sent to live with a bitter German-American couple shortly after WWII!
Must have slipped through the cracks - a mistake.
Any way, this couple worked him every day after school on their farm picking tomatoes and other vegetables...
Almost like a slave. He wasn't allowed any water breaks, so he used to secretly squeeze the juice out of the tomatoes when they weren't looking for something to drink.
He wasn't allowed to use the indoor bathroom (he had to use the outhouse), he was allowed only 1 bath a week with 1 bucketof cold and hot water taken in the basement, he slept in the attic, and he wasn't allowed to use the faucet or eat on the same dishes as the couple.
But my dad does speak highly of the food...his favorite was fried potatoes with baked beans and bacon.
How generous of them to feed their FREE laborer!
One of my Dad's happiest memories was being in the hospital for 3 days for Scarlett fever.
Now, most kids don't talk about liking being sick or being in the hospital!
But my Dad said the nurses were so nice...he took warm baths...and he even got ice cream!
It's hard for me to listen to my Dad's stories...especially since I'm a mother myself.
It makes me admire my Dad all the more for his success...and how he passed on to me THE most valuable lesson ever...
A STRONG WORK ETHIC.
Also the need to give back.
Why My 2 Daughters, Rachel & Maria, Are Named After 2 Foster Care GirlsSo you've heard the not-so-good childhood of my Dad, but that doesn't mean that ALL foster parents are evil.
Far from it.
For example, my Aunt Dorothy.
She raised some 15 foster care kids, along with her own three children, for 20 years.
I got to know quite a few of her "little angels" as she affectionately called them over my years growing up.
She loved and treated them all like one of her own children...and it showed.
My aunt is 80 years old now...and she still gets Christmas cards, birthday cards, phone calls, and visits from her foster kids.
When I was about 9 or 10 years old, she had two sisters near my age that I remember playing with often.
That was when I was really into "Barbie Dolls"...and we played for hours!
I also remember them both having lice and my aunt and my mom shampooing and combing through their hair by the lake we lived on...yuk!
I had almost forgotten these two little girls...when it hit me that I ended up naming both of my two daughters...
Rachel and Maria...their exact same names!
Coincidence?
I don't think so...they had a profound influence on me...and made me feel the need to help others.
4 Kids Under the age of 6...And a 16 Year Old Troubled Teen Girl?My husband says I'll take in every stray puppy who wanders up to our door...and any stray kid too!
That may be true...but I didn't blink an eye when my niece needed me.
She was 16 at the time...running away...drinking and partying...and causing my single parent sister MAJOR breakdowns.
So my niece came to live with us (and all 4 kids) for a year until she got her act straightened out.
It wasn't easy though...we had to put her in drug and alcohol treatment...and many sessions of counseling.
But it was worth every minute, and if I had to do it all over again...I would do exactly the same thing.
My friends and family thought Andy and I were nuts to take in a troubled teen with 4 little kids of our own...
I thought they were nuts to think I would do anything other than take her in!
That's what foster care provides...unconditional love and understanding for kids who need it.
Do you recognize any of these famous people...who were all foster care kids?Marilyn Monroe...
One of the world's most beautiful and famous movie stars of all time...
Eddie Murphy...
A genius comedian who is best known for his appearances on Saturday Night Live and for his movies "Beverly Hills Cop", "Trading Places", and "The Nutty Professor"...
Eleanor Roosevelt...
First lady and married to one of our country's most beloved Presidents...
along with some history-making achievements of her own.
Here Are Some More You May Or May Not Recognize:Tom Monaghan, super-successful businessman and KING of PIZZAS - Dominoes...
Daunte Culpepper, NFL star quarterback...even with the Minnesota Vikings (my home state, don't ya know!)
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Psychologist and Author...
and Dan O’Brien...Olympic Gold Medalist... You Can Read All These Stories and More Here
All of these former foster card kids beat the odds stacked against them...and become highly successful...
Because someone...maybe you, your relative, your friend, or your co-worker...
believed in these kids...
And gave THE GREATEST GIFT EVER...
A home.
Some foster kids needing homes are abused, neglected, or abandoned...right here in the good ole United States.
Can you believe there are over a half million kids in the foster care system right now?
And it's not their fault, they weren't "naughty" or "bad"...to be "put" in foster care.
NOT AT ALL.
If my own Dad, Sandy Smith, can end up being a foster kid...it can happen to your kids too.
And yes, it was tough having the name "Sandy" for a guy...
Luckily, my dad is built like a brick house...so most of the kids didn't dare tease him!
The type of home life you provide for your children has a huge impact on your kids financial success
The reason is because most millionaires come from stable, nurturing homes.
My Dad always told me I could achieve anything that I wanted...if I worked hard and believed in myself.
Shouldn't ALL KIDS be told this?
And have a safe, loving home?
Foster care does this every day.
That's my dream.
And like my Aunt Dorothy, I'm going to hopefully make a difference in kids lives as a foster parent.
Depending on your situation, there are many ways to help...Believe me...the pay off for foster care is way more rewarding that anything you can imagine...
and you'll be setting an excellent example of caring and giving for your kids to follow.
Types of Foster Care:Long term care
Short Term Care
Adult Care
Emergency Care
Pre-Adoption Care
Therapeutic Care
Traditional Care
Post-Adopt Care
On average, foster kids remain in the system for 32 months, and only half return to their parents. You can get more statistical foster care information at the U.S. Government's AFCARS website. You could also contribute to foster care organizations to help with the transition of foster kids into adulthood.
Would you ever expect your 18 year old to be financially on his own?
That's exactly what's expected of foster kids who age out and turn 18 years old.
Sadly, many of them end up homeless, pregnant at an early age, or in prison. So any way you can help makes a HUGE IMPACT.
Basic Requirements of Foster Care usually include:* completion of an application for family home license * background check, criminal history check and finger printing of each adult member of the household * family stability * home inspection and personal interview * character references * minimum age of applicant: 21 * prior to licensure/certification pre-service training
Foster parents receive a partial reimbursement of costs incurred for each child in your care.
You can download information about foster care payment rates from the Casey National Center for Resource Family Support.
So remember, although some kids have come from broken families and homes...ALL can achieve success and happiness...
And Become Millionaires-in-the-Making!
Do you have what it takes to help?
To view original article, click on title of post.
Hard Working...
Honest...
Highly Successful Small Business Owner...
(even "retired" at age 53)
ALMOST MILLIONAIRE. (my Dad always taught me to be HONEST at all times...so I AM)
But if you ask my extremely humble dad...
He'll tell you he's not rich...
rather he'll say "I've been really lucky", or "I didn't do to bad for a poor foster kid who doesn't even have a high school diploma!"
So How Does a 4 Year Old Jewish Boy End Up In Foster Care Shortly After WWII?Sadly, it was because of the sudden death of my Grandpa.
In 1937, one cold, Minnesota winter morning, a man was rushed to a small hospital by his wife. She was worried about his severe stomach pains and vomiting...the kind which seemed to be his whole insides.
It wasn't long before the doctors discovered a bleeding ulcer that erupted shortly after arriving.
The 53 year old husband and father...of 6 young children...was pronounced dead.
My grandma was devastated...and scared to death of raising and feeding 6 children all by herself.
My Dad was only 2 when his father died.
After struggling for close to 2 years, my grandma was forced to put four of her children in foster care because of poverty.
It's been whispered in our family...
that a wealthy cousin proposed to marry my grandma...but she refused.
He had been in a horrible fire and was severely deformed from first degree burns over his entire body.
Bottom line - my Grandma couldn't marry for money...she didn't love him.
To this day, my Dad and his brothers wonder how things might have turned out differently...?
So my dad went into his first foster care home at the age of 4 years old.
He remembers being told by the social workers that he was going to visit a farm with barnyard animals. There was no farm...and no cute farm animals either.
He grew up in 4 different homes over 14 years.
Some Homes Were Better Than Others.
The last home was the worst...and he lived there for 7 years. It was a 20 acre vegetable trucking farm owned by a hard-working German-American couple.
Don't ask me why my Jewish born Dad was sent to live with a bitter German-American couple shortly after WWII!
Must have slipped through the cracks - a mistake.
Any way, this couple worked him every day after school on their farm picking tomatoes and other vegetables...
Almost like a slave. He wasn't allowed any water breaks, so he used to secretly squeeze the juice out of the tomatoes when they weren't looking for something to drink.
He wasn't allowed to use the indoor bathroom (he had to use the outhouse), he was allowed only 1 bath a week with 1 bucketof cold and hot water taken in the basement, he slept in the attic, and he wasn't allowed to use the faucet or eat on the same dishes as the couple.
But my dad does speak highly of the food...his favorite was fried potatoes with baked beans and bacon.
How generous of them to feed their FREE laborer!
One of my Dad's happiest memories was being in the hospital for 3 days for Scarlett fever.
Now, most kids don't talk about liking being sick or being in the hospital!
But my Dad said the nurses were so nice...he took warm baths...and he even got ice cream!
It's hard for me to listen to my Dad's stories...especially since I'm a mother myself.
It makes me admire my Dad all the more for his success...and how he passed on to me THE most valuable lesson ever...
A STRONG WORK ETHIC.
Also the need to give back.
Why My 2 Daughters, Rachel & Maria, Are Named After 2 Foster Care GirlsSo you've heard the not-so-good childhood of my Dad, but that doesn't mean that ALL foster parents are evil.
Far from it.
For example, my Aunt Dorothy.
She raised some 15 foster care kids, along with her own three children, for 20 years.
I got to know quite a few of her "little angels" as she affectionately called them over my years growing up.
She loved and treated them all like one of her own children...and it showed.
My aunt is 80 years old now...and she still gets Christmas cards, birthday cards, phone calls, and visits from her foster kids.
When I was about 9 or 10 years old, she had two sisters near my age that I remember playing with often.
That was when I was really into "Barbie Dolls"...and we played for hours!
I also remember them both having lice and my aunt and my mom shampooing and combing through their hair by the lake we lived on...yuk!
I had almost forgotten these two little girls...when it hit me that I ended up naming both of my two daughters...
Rachel and Maria...their exact same names!
Coincidence?
I don't think so...they had a profound influence on me...and made me feel the need to help others.
4 Kids Under the age of 6...And a 16 Year Old Troubled Teen Girl?My husband says I'll take in every stray puppy who wanders up to our door...and any stray kid too!
That may be true...but I didn't blink an eye when my niece needed me.
She was 16 at the time...running away...drinking and partying...and causing my single parent sister MAJOR breakdowns.
So my niece came to live with us (and all 4 kids) for a year until she got her act straightened out.
It wasn't easy though...we had to put her in drug and alcohol treatment...and many sessions of counseling.
But it was worth every minute, and if I had to do it all over again...I would do exactly the same thing.
My friends and family thought Andy and I were nuts to take in a troubled teen with 4 little kids of our own...
I thought they were nuts to think I would do anything other than take her in!
That's what foster care provides...unconditional love and understanding for kids who need it.
Do you recognize any of these famous people...who were all foster care kids?Marilyn Monroe...
One of the world's most beautiful and famous movie stars of all time...
Eddie Murphy...
A genius comedian who is best known for his appearances on Saturday Night Live and for his movies "Beverly Hills Cop", "Trading Places", and "The Nutty Professor"...
Eleanor Roosevelt...
First lady and married to one of our country's most beloved Presidents...
along with some history-making achievements of her own.
Here Are Some More You May Or May Not Recognize:Tom Monaghan, super-successful businessman and KING of PIZZAS - Dominoes...
Daunte Culpepper, NFL star quarterback...even with the Minnesota Vikings (my home state, don't ya know!)
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Psychologist and Author...
and Dan O’Brien...Olympic Gold Medalist... You Can Read All These Stories and More Here
All of these former foster card kids beat the odds stacked against them...and become highly successful...
Because someone...maybe you, your relative, your friend, or your co-worker...
believed in these kids...
And gave THE GREATEST GIFT EVER...
A home.
Some foster kids needing homes are abused, neglected, or abandoned...right here in the good ole United States.
Can you believe there are over a half million kids in the foster care system right now?
And it's not their fault, they weren't "naughty" or "bad"...to be "put" in foster care.
NOT AT ALL.
If my own Dad, Sandy Smith, can end up being a foster kid...it can happen to your kids too.
And yes, it was tough having the name "Sandy" for a guy...
Luckily, my dad is built like a brick house...so most of the kids didn't dare tease him!
The type of home life you provide for your children has a huge impact on your kids financial success
The reason is because most millionaires come from stable, nurturing homes.
My Dad always told me I could achieve anything that I wanted...if I worked hard and believed in myself.
Shouldn't ALL KIDS be told this?
And have a safe, loving home?
Foster care does this every day.
That's my dream.
And like my Aunt Dorothy, I'm going to hopefully make a difference in kids lives as a foster parent.
Depending on your situation, there are many ways to help...Believe me...the pay off for foster care is way more rewarding that anything you can imagine...
and you'll be setting an excellent example of caring and giving for your kids to follow.
Types of Foster Care:Long term care
Short Term Care
Adult Care
Emergency Care
Pre-Adoption Care
Therapeutic Care
Traditional Care
Post-Adopt Care
On average, foster kids remain in the system for 32 months, and only half return to their parents. You can get more statistical foster care information at the U.S. Government's AFCARS website. You could also contribute to foster care organizations to help with the transition of foster kids into adulthood.
Would you ever expect your 18 year old to be financially on his own?
That's exactly what's expected of foster kids who age out and turn 18 years old.
Sadly, many of them end up homeless, pregnant at an early age, or in prison. So any way you can help makes a HUGE IMPACT.
Basic Requirements of Foster Care usually include:* completion of an application for family home license * background check, criminal history check and finger printing of each adult member of the household * family stability * home inspection and personal interview * character references * minimum age of applicant: 21 * prior to licensure/certification pre-service training
Foster parents receive a partial reimbursement of costs incurred for each child in your care.
You can download information about foster care payment rates from the Casey National Center for Resource Family Support.
So remember, although some kids have come from broken families and homes...ALL can achieve success and happiness...
And Become Millionaires-in-the-Making!
Do you have what it takes to help?
To view original article, click on title of post.
Children in Foster Care
The following table shows the number and percent of children in foster care in the United States, according to age, gender, race, and length of stay.
Percent /Number
Total 532,000
Ages
Under 1 year /5%/ 24,290
1–5 years /22 /128,946
6–10 years /24 /116,801
11–15 years /30 /158,290
16–18 years /17 /92,091
19 years and over /2 /10,321
Gender
Male /52 /278,916
Female /48 /252,932
Race/ethnicity
White, non-Hispanic /39% /205,478
Black, non-Hispanic /37 /195,040
Hispanic /17 /89,177
American Indian/Alaskan Native,
non-Hispanic /2 /9,792
Asian, non-Hispanic /1 /3,423
Hawaiian/Pacific Islander,
non-Hispanic /0 /1,465
Unknown/unable to determine /3 /14,432
Two or more races non-Hispanic /2 /12,986
Lengths of stay
Less than 1 month /5 /23,948
1–5 months /18 /94,399
6–11 months /16 /84,707
12–17 months /12 /62,036
18–23 months/ 8 /45,008
24–29 months /7/ 36,236
30–35 months/ 5 /27,196
3–4 years /13 /70,754
5 years or more/ 16 /87,694
(Click on title of post to see original table.)
NOTE: Preliminary FY 2002 estimates as of August 2004. Percentages may not add up to 100% and numbers may not add up to totals due to rounding.
1. Hispanic can be of any race.
Source: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Admin. for Children and Families, Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS) Report #9. Web: www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cb .
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