Grandparents Who Choose To Give Up Their Retirement Years To Raise Their Grandchildren

Grandparents becoming parents again
BY DONNA VICKROY, Staff Writer

It's been said that a mother's work is never done.
No one knows that better than a grandmother thrust back into the throes of parenting.

Candy Meeker's at an age when her life should be her own. Having raised her three children, the Crete woman should be spending her days as she chooses -- lunching with friends, gardening, welcoming the occasional visits of her five grandchildren.
Instead, she is shuffling 5-year-old Camren Morales from school to doctor appointments, from discount stores to grocery stores. She is tucking him at night, wading through piles of paperwork and worrying about how he'll get along with his new classmates.

A former cook, bartender and house cleaner, Meeker is one of 1 million single grandmothers raising their children's children. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 2.4 million families are maintained by grandparents. That's a 19 percent increase since 1990.
"It's hard," Meeker said. "I'm tired."

But she acknowledges she has little choice.
Two years ago, her son Tom, now 27, asked her take the boy in. Estranged from the child's mother, Tom was dealing with issues of his own.
"He didn't want Camren to end up in foster care," Meeker said. "And neither did I."
So she drove to Kansas City, where the boy was living at the time, and brought him back to the south suburbs. He's been here ever since

Financial challenges

Meeker now has custody and guardianship - and a whole new set of responsibilities.
But the energy required to raise a child when you're past your prime is a small challenge compared with the enormous financial burden of feeding, clothing and tending to the medical needs of a young boy.

Linette Kinchen, founder and executive director of Grandfamilies Program of Chicago, said lack of sufficient government aid is one of the biggest hurdles faced by grandparents who once again are diapering or helping with homework on a full-time basis.

Grandparents who are raising a grandchild are eligible to receive around $100 a month per child through The Department of Human Services Child Only grant, Kinchen said. The amount goes up incrementally with each additional grandchild under a grandparent's care, but caps at just under $400 per family per month, she added.
Compare that to the cap-free $444 per child per month a foster parent receives.
"This issue is just coming to light among policymakers," Kinchen said. "It's going to take grandparents coming together, working collectively, to make a change - like they did to get fair senior housing."

The issue has been taken up by the American Association of Retired People. In addition to lobbying on grandparents' behalf, the AARP has joined forces with five other groups to produce fact sheets specific to each state. The sheets include information on programs and resources specific to grandparents who are raising grandchildren. Visit www.grandfactssheets.org.

Kinchen knows first-hand the struggles such grandparents face. She raised three of her own. When she realized few services were available, she started her own help group in her small living room. That was five years ago.
Today, funded by small grants from organizations such as the Chicago Department of Senior Services and the Illinois Department of Aging, Grandfamilies Program of Chicago helps grandparents wade through the legal process and find emotional support. The group sponsors outings and events. It also helps needy grandparents acquire school uniform vouchers and grocery store gift certificates.

Average income among grandparent-maintained households ranges from $19,750 for those with just a grandma to $61,632 for those with two grandparents.
Meeker falls on the low end of the single-parent scale.

Doing the best she can

Since Camren came to live with her, Meeker's tiny mobile home has been crammed with the trappings of a small boy: action figures, books, stripedshirts and flip flops. She longs for a two-bedroom townhouse but know she can't afford much. She gets by on disability and a $102 monthly stipend for Camren.
"They should help grandparents more, especially single ones," she said. "It takes a lot more than a hundred dollars a month and food stamps to raise a child."

Mary Pat Frye, director of the case coordination unit for the Senior Services Department of Will County, said funding starts slowly. An issue, she said, typically needs to be 20 to 30 years in existence, with data to back it up, before government services catch up.
"There are some financial programs for grandparents raising their grandchildren in Will County, but they are very limited," Frye said.
The Senior Services Department can help grandparents investigate those programs, as well as navigate the legal system, she added. For example, she said, a grandparent must have legal custody or guardianship to be able to enroll a child in school.

Despite its challenges, Meeker said she wouldn't think of relinquishing her grandchild to the foster care system.
"My brother and I were adopted after our mother died," she said. "Even though we had a good life, I would not want to do that to my own grandchild."

So she does what most grandparents who are raising their grandchildren do: she manages day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute.

Camren has anger issues. He's recently been diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He has a counselor and a psychiatrist.
"It's a lot of work," Meeker said.

Kindness of others

Sometimes, people help her out. Her son will pay for field trips and daycare. Her brother recently bought her a car.
Her son is a salesman for a local alarm company.
"He travels a lot," she said. "He plans to take Camren back in one day, when he's ready, when everything's set up."
Until then, he's Meeker's responsibility.

But any parent knows that raising a child goes well beyond attending to needs alone.
She wants this child to have fun memories, to be included on the playground, to be carefree.
So she does what she can. Meeker and Camren are regulars at local festivals and the Olympia Fields McDonald's, which hosts a free rock 'n' roll night on Wednesdays.

When word came recently that a pair of Nikes might be available for Camren, the news made her day.
A volunteer from Together We Cope, in Tinley Park, called and asked what size shoe Camren wore. She just might have a pair in his size.
"Oh, that's great, just great," she said.

Another friend told her about free karate lessons through the Beecher police department.
"You hate to ask for things, but they're not for me, they're for my grandson," she said.

Although this story is not about fostering, I found it to be very interesting. I just heard a radio program a few days ago about the very of issue of today's aging baby boomers having to take in and raise their grandchildren at a very alarming rate. Some do take in these kids through the foster system, some go on to adopt, some simply take over legal guardianship of their grandkids. It is an admirable effort on the part of grandparents everywhere who undertake this important task of raising a second family. It certainly seems as though the government should be working as hard and quickly as possible to get financial aid to these grandparents. At least with fostering your own relatives, you do receive a little bit more than what the lady in the above story is receiving. I hope everything works out for this lady and other like her, and for the hundereds more grandparents who will shortly find themselves in this same situation. God bless them for loving enough to put their own needs aside in order to help make sure these kids get as normal a life as possible.

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