Our foster daughter A. told us last Friday evening that her aunt was going to get an attorney and try to make it possible for A. to live with her as her foster child. I was pretty upset by that news. Since that time I have talked with someone who knows a little about what is going on and assured me that this did not seem to be the case at all. In fact, this aunt apparently has told A. that she is moving away very soon. Now I am completely confused about why A. would have told us what she did.
We have been told that sometimes a child can get so emotionally distraught and angry when their situation gets closer to their birth parent's parental rights being terminated that the child can go into a denial mode and start talking as if everything is going to be okay. I was told that this has been expected behavior and that it is felt that this is what is happening now. I don't know if I buy that or not, but I have to accept the possibility. If this is the case, then we can expect more fabrications of what is being told to her at her family visits.
Has anyone else gone through this? A. just doesn't seem like the type of child who invents things because she can't handle the truth. She has such a strong will and personality and seems to survive no matter what her situation. I just can't imagine her going into some fantasy world because she can't handle the fact that she won't be going home. But I guess anything is possible. We have been counseled not to confront A. with this recent fabrication of her aunt getting an attorney. I'm not sure that is the best way to handle A. She has always wanted to know everything that is happening right up front, and we have always dealt with everything in that way, the best that we could. I feel she deserves to meet this problem head on and to talk it out with us. I'm struggling with what to do. Any advice would be helpful!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
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1 comments:
Hey Diane,
I know it isn't the same, but my newest kid has had biofamily fill him up with unreasonable expectations that totally confound him. They make him sick with worry and totally confuse him. They are always false promises. it is very difficult to deal with. I wish that they wouldn't because it makes it so that they will have less contact with him. I think instead of talking to A, you need to chat with the Aunt and get her side of the story. Sometimes kids hear things differently than what they are met and their wishes turn into false interpreations. A is going through so much. This has to horrible for her. Try not to get twisted up in the middle of it but be supportive of her feelings. That way she won't resent you later when it all happens. I always make it clear that I don't make decisions with my kids birthfamilies and I am there for their future with OUR family and I will support them with their feelings for their past. But I don't tell them what I think of any of it. It is so hard to remove yourself, but necessary.
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