Foster Parents Use Tough Love

The tough call made by the ones she loved
Grania Litwin, Canwest News Service
Published: Saturday, August 30, 2008


Cora Goodyer was a straight-A student who took part in all kinds of sports and had a perfect attendance record at school until age 13, when she was molested by her sister's best friend.
"That's when my happiness ended," said Goodyer, who dropped out of school in Grade 9.
Since then the young Victoria woman has been addicted to heroin and cocaine, charged with assault, spent months in juvenile detention, rehab and foster homes, been under house arrest, worked in the escort business, had two daughters and lost a set of twins.

So how did she survive?
"I'm alive and sane today because of the tough love of my foster parents and my adoptive mother," said the 23-year-old, who was adopted at birth and whose adoptive parents separated when she was four. "I lived with my [adoptive] mother who was, and still is, mentally ill. I witnessed a lot of drug and alcohol abuse growing up."
She says she learned no coping skills in her unstable home.
"I'd looked up to this guy and when he molested me it was horrible," she said. She reported the offence and he was charged but later acquitted.
Anger festered inside her and she talked about suicide. That's when a friend introduced her to heroin.
"I still remember that first hit. Every failing I'd ever had just disappeared. I felt like a whole new person in a brand new body," she said.

Goodyer was hooked on heroin the second it entered her. "It gave me a sense of belonging," she said. At the same time, she got involved with "some pretty heavy people" and harboured two men who had escaped from prison.
Drugs led to her own criminal record (for death threats and assault) and she was sent to detox at the home of Janet and Mark Guthrie.
It was a turning point.

"I fell in love with them," she said simply. "Detox was hard, very hard. Sometimes I didn't know if it was worth it. The pain of coming off was physical, emotional, horrible dreams, night sweats. I had no family support. Just Janet and Mark, who were strong for me."
When she finished detox, they asked her to become their foster child and she leapt at the idea, stayed clean for a year, returned to school, and enrolled in programs at the Boys and Girls Club.
"It was fantastic," she recalled.
But at 16 she assaulted someone. "Life was kicking me in the butt and I got back on heroin. I tried to hide it from the two people I loved most, but was way under the influence."
One night they said: "We're doing this because we love you," and two policemen rang the doorbell.

"I was so mad. I yelled and screamed as they took me away. That was the first time I'd ever been shown tough love. My foster mom was crying. I was screaming, 'How could you do this to me?' "
Given a choice between juvenile detention and drug rehab at Williams Lake, she chose rehab but didn't finish, so was sent back to detention. She begged her parents to get her out, but they said she was there because they loved her. She phoned her adoptive mom and she agreed.
"I've wasted so much time," sighed Goodyer, who wants to be a youth corrections officer one day. "It took me a long time to understand why my foster parents didn't come to get me."

Over the next several years she was in and out of care, back and forth to the Guthries', in trouble with the law. "After a while my foster parents told me I couldn't come home like I'd done twice before." Her response was total denial. She thought she had everything under control, was on top of the world, didn't need anybody.
"I was in a rotten crowd and didn't see a way out," Goodyer said.
She started working for an escort agency, "dipping into coke, met some pretty psychotic guys," and still thought everything was cool -- until the B.C. Ministry of Children and Families took her child away.

"I loved my baby but couldn't support her. It was devastating," she said.
She began using cocaine, spending up to $1,000 a day on the drug and not sleeping for three or four days.
The five-foot-six woman dropped under 100 pounds and developed a hole in her nose from snorting cocaine.
"I thought I looked like a sexy supermodel," she said.

At 19, Goodyer, met Warren Skaalrud, who saw her failings but also the goodness in her. They moved in together and he tried to help her recover, but she started escorting again behind his back. "It's an addiction, too, because you can make $150 in half an hour, sometimes 10 minutes."
He found out, said, "I'm done," and left.
One day she went to see her foster mom. "I told her I want what you and Dad have. She said: 'Go get it then.' "
Goodyer began fighting for her family and health. Her boyfriend returned, and if she wavered, he showed her a picture of her daughter to remind her.

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